Happy 80th, Dearest Beloved Cousin, Jessica

Dear Readers, I know I haven’t blogged for a couple of years. I may start again, as I miss you all very much. This post is here because I don’t know how else to send a tribute to my cousin for her 80th birthday. This is the only platform I know that I could send pictures and words, but I couldn’t send it to just her. That’s why you are seeing this here. Sorry this is about someone you don’t even know. I hope to see you again soon! Big Love, Mary

Dearest Jessica, how can I begin to tell you what you have meant to me over the last 55 years?

You have been my lifeline.

When I first noticed you, there was a tear running down your cheek. It was at Mama’s funeral. I knew in that moment you would be important in my life, somehow.

I remember after she died, and I was living with Daddy, you would pick up David from Aunt Em’s, bring Hillary and Jack, and you would fix dinner for us and then we would all play hide and seek in the big house. At that time in my life, I lived for those times, as I was so sad and lost without my loving mom. Hillary and Jack, I think were 4 and 6. You were in your third decade(24), and I, early in my second(12).

I started coming to your house to babysit for you, and would spend the night sometimes. You would take David to play organs in churches you would sneak into.

When things got stormy living with Daddy, you took me in. You were my home. You saved me. Thank you. Thank you so much. Words are so inadequate to express this appreciation.

I remember how fun it was living with you, Hillary and Jack. Your house was the neighborhood house. I remember loading the neighborhood kids into the Pontiac station wagon and going to Lake Roland. We laughed and played a lot.

I had begun my spiritual path, and you were right there with me. You, EH, David and I would talk about things not many people knew about at that time. We would sneak off to the Theosophical Society and the Aquarian Age Bookstore, and feel the Oneness of it All.

After a while, it was too much for you having me there. I was sick a lot, and you were going through a divorce. It was sad to leave, but you were still my home. You felt bad about it, I know, but you have no idea how much you had done for me already. It was the right and only thing to do. So I left for boarding school

Every weekend you came to get me, and on open weekends, I came home. I loved that, coming home and eating ice cream with chocolate sauce and laughing and talking about our spiritual way of life in the kitchen.

You believed in me.

When I felt like hiding, you always brought me out.

You opened me.

You and Theo came to get me every weekend to let me run and run in the woods. How I treasured those times.

Theo found a new and much freer boarding school for me, and my life changed for the better. Still you came to visit. Still you continued to believe in me, which made me feel whole.

The day after I graduated from high school, EH brought me to New Mexico.

Off on a new adventure, still of course keeping in close touch with you. You would come to Quimby Center for the summer workshops. I went to college there, in Alamogordo, or as Daddy used to say, “Aliolito.”

One summer, I came home to work for a veterinarian I loved, and Ellen was living there too. More ice cream, chocolate sauce and laughter.

And going to Ocean City and sailing!

Then back to New Mexico to be with all my friends in Cloudcroft. It was hard to stay in contact, as I didn’t have a phone.

After a while, I got very very sick

And was dying

Again, you wouldn’t stand for it. You sent for me, and another transformation began.

And oh, that transformation! You are an instigator of deep change and healing.

It was my Saturn Return.

You set me up with every healer in Albuquerque.

You, Elena and the Deanski helped me with all the supplements, fasting, appointments and resting. And holding the Light for me. Calling on Angelic help.

Slowly, I began to heal. You were in your early 5th decade, and about to set off on your own adventure to New Zealand!

Across the sea…..

Many miles

Over the Rainbow Bridge

Off on a whole great big huge magical adventure!

And along came beautiful Mishie!

So beautiful,

gentle, fierce and true.

I feel such gratitude that you found each other, and love each other so very much. You are both so strong.

Soul Mates

How grateful I am to have Mishie in the family.

At that time, when you came to the States, you both spend such beautiful time with me and my Kris. Remember the evening we spent drumming and it turned into total silliness? I still chuckle thinking of it. Such deep, out of control laughter! I love that so much.

Remember Abina? She was just a puppy when I was living with you.

Kris says she loves you and Happy Birthday!

And I loved going to New Zealand for your wedding and meeting your friends, and getting a glimpse into the wonderful life you had created.

I know, blurry, but I had to take a picture of a picture of a picture. Haha. It was a beautiful ceremony!

Always the networker, creating a loving community wherever you go.

We are all woven together as one life force

Residing in Sacred Consciousness

Knowing that light and darkness always dance together, around us and within us.

Each summer you worked so hard and sacrificed so much to come to the States to visit our family as well as creating your beautiful Desert Quests. Visiting me in Albuquerque was wonderful for me, and then to share my new world with you has been awesome.

Flying across the ocean, each year

Sharing your treasured time with us

Bill and Mattie say Happy Birthday, Jessica!

Thank you for leaving a trail of beautiful energy on our land!

So much we have been through together over the years. Facing all the deaths – parents, siblings, friends…

And Joys we have shared.

Thank you for knowing me so deeply, and loving me so much.

You have met so many of my Spirit Guides.

And I have met many of yours,

as we use our deep Soul force to challenge the narratives about the illusions in which we live, residing in our True Nature – within the Presence of the Divine. Love.

Receiving infusions of Mystical Light and higher frequencies.

You have been there for me from early blooming to becoming an elderess. All the important moments – school plays, all graduations, birthdays, wedding. You are amazing. The devotion we feel for each other is so huge in our hearts. Always there.

Being there for me for another important time – walking into my 7th decade, in the middle of my 2nd Saturn Return. You were early in your 8th decade. That was the year Bill fell, Rosie died, Bill had a brain bleed, Mattie came to us, Sarah passed, Family reunion. 2013. Big year.

Just a few four leggeds who popped in to say hello and Happy Birthday to you.

They want to acknowledge the journey we are all on. Becoming more conscious. Living fully in each Now moment.

Discovering inner space deeper and deeper always. Remembering who we are.

You have made the big choice to Love and to empower others, even when it involves personal sacrifice.

To be kind, and to know the power of every choice, every word, every action.

Yet, you have boundaries, and take care of yourself.

I have loved our conversations over the years(decades) sharing and experiencing these things.

And now, you are walking into a new phase of your life. Your 9th decade!

The Labyrinth continues, growing stronger in you, each decade.

And sharing that so beautifully with others.

Going deeper into knowing yourself, dancing with Life, as you do.

Growing fully into the mystical Grace of the Divine Feminine, as She Rises.

Deeper and deeper into the limitless Soul.

Always full of surprises, our Souls

You – always loyal to your Soul and your Soul Group.

We all breathe together. What is in one is in the whole.

We are all on this human journey together.

You have always been 100% authentically you.

You have always followed your heart.

You have always been dedicated to inner growth and spirituality.

You are an inspiration and teacher to all who have the good fortune to know you.

You have always lived life fully, with total Heart

So FUN being together!

I love you, Jessica. I love you with all my heart.

F I N G E R S!


Thank you for helping me vision through all these years and holding those visions and prayers for me. Thank you for the laughter, the love, and helping me know happiness within. Thank you for saving my life so many times. Thank you for being you and sharing this life with me.

Mirroring each other. I love that. We have learned heaps and tons from each other.

I am so loving our FaceTime talks! They help close the gap of physical distance. Thank you for taking the time for these special visits.

May you live in Ease, Joy, Grace, Peace and Love always, in all ways.

Happy 80th Birthday, Dearest Jessica!

Blessings, Love and Light Always,

Merest of B

The Shadow Goddess of the Cactus Cave

This is a story I wrote for Winter Solstice last year. It felt right to post it again this year.

Walking my path: Mindful wanderings in nature

My very artistic and generous friend, Judy, made me a beautiful green, horsehair ceramic woman.  This figurine held a bouquet of pretty sticks, and wore a headdress of the same thin, straight sticks.  I thought she would look great on our forested hillside at the entrance of a cave, which is adorned and protected by a prickly pear cactus.

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This is her story. It is a Winter Solstice story:

She awoke at the entrance of a dark cave, not knowing where she came from or how she got there. There were many animals standing, waiting expectantly in front of her.

“Are you here to help us?” squawked the Steller’s jay.

bird talk 6

“Yes,” chimed in the bluebird and the chickadee harmoniously, “Can you stop the Coopers hawks from killing us?”

“And the coyotes from destroying our families?” Squeaked the gopher and the muskrat simultaneously.


The bunny nodded hopefully.

“Are you our Queen?” Chirped…

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That Part In Between

For those of you who don’t follow Michael’s blog, I just wanted to share this beautiful man’s most recent piece. I hope it will touch your heart as it did mine.


Embracing Forever

We don’t really know
how it starts.
It just gets sprung on us.
This life.
Suddenly, we are aglow.
In the open.
Sensitive to the touch.
Hanging in space.
Once, after years of an ongoing ruckus,
I reached a certain condition–
a sweet spot just above the wick
where I was something
between a whirl,
a mountain pass,
a coyote’s sidelong gaze,
and a penniless hunger,
all dressed-up as a flame.
I was the bull and the rider, joined,
the movement and the moment,
the joy and the need,
tumbling together.

Then, with Hafiz perched nearby
offering his kind advice on the particulars,
the Beloved puckered her lips
and blew something sweet straight through me–
something decorated with its own butterflies,
the sound of falling snow,
and stories of the sea.
The flame vanished,
leaving a line of cool smoke
that rose into nowhere,
but that feeling came…

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Giving Thanks

Walking my path: Mindful wanderings in nature

Today, I am grateful for gratitude. It is my most joyful feeling.

Thankfully, I am grateful for a multitude of reasons. I wrote this a year ago, but I feel the same.

In this moment, I am grateful for this warm cup of Jasmine tea on this very cold and blustery day.

I am grateful for my 70 pound puppy, who jumps into my lap for her morning “lubbins.”

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I am grateful for my beautiful friends and family – the deep love, and support we are to one another. I am grateful for how deeply I see my own Soul reflected in the eyes of my dear ones, and how that feels like home.

I am grateful for the delight in the natural world, and for fully enjoying the wonder and beauty of the moment.

I am grateful for inspiration.

I am grateful for the desire to live each day…

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Two Lovely Awards

DSC_0265 - CopyWhat I find completely amazing is this wordpress community. Never did I imagine when I started blogging,that this would happen. I just thought I had something to say, and maybe someone might get something out of reading it. Suddenly I now have friends all over the world. I find myself loving these people deeply, and we have never met.

There are two people in particular that I want to thank right now. The first is Sindy at bluebutterfliesandme. She welcomed me into this community right away. I can’t even remember how I met you, Sindy, You have helped me figure out this whole blogging thing, and have been very generous and patient, showing me how to do these crazy techno things. You are such a creative blogger, and have brought people together into deep conversations within this community. Thank you. Thank you for your friendship. While I have you here, I have 2 more things to say. 1) Thank you for nominating me for the Leibster Award, which I accept! 2) I am nominating you for another award, The Creative Blogger Award (because you are, even though you may already have it, but I didn’t see it on your site.)

This brings me to Ka at Fiesta Estrellas. You are a fairly new friend, Ka, and I am so grateful to have met you. Did I meet you through Sindy? I think so. The more I get to know you, the deeper I know this friendship will be. You have a beautiful, loving and warm heart. Thank you so much for nominating me for The Creative Blogger Award. I am honored.

For the Leibster award, the rules are to thank the person who nominated me, and to link back to their site. Display the award on my site. Tell 11 random facts about myself and nominate 11 bloggers, and let them know they are nominated.

For the Creative Blogger Award, the rules are to thank the person who nominated me, display the award and nominate 10 other bloggers, letting them know they are nominated.

Ready?  Drum roll….. ok, wait. If you have the award already, just know I felt you deserved it and I hope it makes you smile. If you don’t accept awards, same deal.  🙂






bluebutterfliesandme                            Good Woman

litebeing chronicles                        Melissabluefineart’s blog

Dewin Nefol                                                 Tania Marie’s Blog

The ancient eavesdropper                   Bee Happee Now

Plato’s Groove                                     The Druid’s Garden


the-liebster-award_zps6be3dbeb (1)

Fiesta Estrellas                               Local Travel Tips

Guide to Awakening Your Inner Self

Moved and Shaken                Eliza Waters

Spaceship China           Partridge, Pine and Peavey

2fuelyourbody             Cosmic Wave Astrology

Healing Your Grief         Unfolding The Heart

There are 3 people on Ka’s list that I would have nominated . You probably know who you are, since you didn’t end up on my list, having already been nominated by her.

Random facts about me:

  1. My favorite color is periwinkle (really almost any shade in the blue, purple, lavender, pink colors…but also love green.)
  2. I was a horse when I was a child – sometimes a flying one. I still gallop or trot when I run, to this day.
  3. The first movie I remember is Bambi.
  4. I talk to myself out loud…a lot.
  5. I accidentally killed a baby chicken when I was 5. It was really hard to catch, and just when I caught it, my mom called me in for a nap. I put it under a bucket just until I got up, but then I sort of forgot until the next day when I remembered with that sinking feeling….
  6. My passion is Nature. Would any of you have ever guessed that?
  7. My favorite song is Imagine by John Lennon. In close second come so many other songs, especially ones to which I can sing along.
  8. I still have friends that I met when I was 4.
  9. I still feel guilty about that baby chick.
  10. I made all the accent tiles for our house, and peeled all the trees in it by hand.
  11. I spent lots of time in my 20s traveling around in my VW van, wandering happily, and exploring many beautiful places. That was before all those places got crowded.

Thank you again Ka and Sindy! Big heartfelt hugs! ❤


Grosbeak REpertoire

My friend, Sindy (Happy 3rd blogiversary Sindy!) from bluebutterfliesandme offered a”Retro” challenge for this Mercury Retrograde, which ends June 11th. Since a positive aspect of Mercury Retrograde asks us to look back, a lot of people are reblogging wonderful older posts.  However, since I have only been blogging for about 7 months, I didn’t feel that putting up an old post would be that Retro. Sindy said – “Just post something that starts with ‘re’ like renew or refresh’” So, I am answering the challenge with a post that I thought about doing about 3 months ago (so, sort of retro) when the evening grosbeaks were here. I took a lot of pictures of them, and they just made me laugh. We are all trying to make Mercury Retrograde fun­ since it can be so frustrating!!  It will be a miracle if I am even able to post this because my computer keeps freezing.  You guessed it – Mercury Retrograde!!

So in light of Sindy’s challenge, to look back and make it fun, this is what Mercury, in its sillier Self suggested I create.  So here you go.


bird talk 1

I’m a happy bird!


bird talk 2

Dude, check out that chick on that tree to my right. No wait! Don’t look…she’s looking over here.


bird talk 3

I’m kind of full. I can hardly swallow another seed.


bird talk 4

Ok, but you have to promise not to tell!  Any. One.


bird talk 5

Oh, Man!! Hahahaha! Stop! You’re killin’ me! Hahaha! Please stop! I can’t even get up!


bird talk 6

Shut up!


bird talk 7

What are they all talking about? The meaning of life? Are we here for a reason?


bird talk 8

Dude!  What’s with the photo bomb?!


bird talk 9

Huh….she seems mad.  Was it something I said?


bird talk 10

Making up is nice.

bird talk 11


Yay! I am jumping for joy.


“Funny how in dreams your feet never touch the earth.”  Heart


bird talk 12

Lalala…My, oh my, what a beautiful day. Plenty of sunshine coming my way. Zippity do da, Zippityay!


bird talk 13

Wow. It’s like that seed is in mid air.


birdtalk 14



bird talk 15

Girl’s night out tonight, Gladys?


bird talk 16

You look different.  Do you mind if I just peck you on the head?


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17 – 4. Ummmmmm….I know this one….


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bird talk 19

13! Yeah, that’s it.  13  Phew!


bird talk 20

Two girls.  Wow, my lucky day.


bird talk 21

Noooooo!  She likes him!


bird talk 22

Quit looking up her skirt!


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I hate it when I blush!


bird talk 25

You must like that Tai Chi move. You do it all the time!


Happy Mercury Retrograde, folks! I know it’s exasperating and hard. Try to enjoy it. It’s almost over! It can be fun to hang out with friends you haven’t seen for a while, watch old movies, or let yourself be distracted when you have technology glitches, and just do something different. Let’s take Sindy’s and my astrologer friend, Katrin’s advice and make Mercury Retrograde FUN!




For the Sheer Joy

Quack, quack, quack, quack! Even their descending quacking can sound like laughter.  No wonder they make me laugh so. You know already how I feel about duck butts if you have been following my stories. I laugh. Out loud.


Ducks just seem to know how to have a good time.  This time of year, they appear happy as can be.  It is warm, the ice has melted on the pond, the males and females have congregated and it is time for play. They chase each other about, splashing and quacking, and sometimes running on the water flapping their wings. I can’t help but feel good watching them. Again, if you accuse me of anthropomorphizing, I am fine with that.

I watched a pair for a long time one day. They were separate from the others. It was an intimate sort of moment, with soft quacking, chasing and splashing. They would dive under together, be gone for a few seconds and come up together. Then the female started rolling. For the sheer joy of it; over and over she went horizontally, her little orange feet kicking each time she rolled onto her back and paused there. Then somersaults – over and under, head over webbed feet. Then the two glided past me, the sun refracting his brilliant iridescent blue/green head feathers, and her soft brown camouflage. I watched their peaceful togetherness, their reflections bright in the water.


Parenting styles differ among ducks. Sometimes the male stays to help, but usually not. About three years ago, I watched two mama mallards over a few weeks. Both started out with seven ducklings. I can never get over how cute those little yellow, brown and black ducklings are. One mother, maybe a first time mom, just couldn’t control the little ones.  She would call and call and they paid no attention to her. They stayed fairly close, but spread out, playing together. She seemed at a loss as to how to get them together. She seemed to say, “kids! Um…..kids…uh..come on now, KIDS!!” They would disregard her completely, until she was finally able to physically one by one gather them into a line.


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The other mother, only had to softly quack once, and they all came immediately and formed not a line, but a close knit clump. From afar, they looked like another adult duck. I thought that was one smart mama!


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Each day, sadly, the mother with the scattered ducklings had one less little duck in her line up. Snapping turtles, raccoons, herons, large bull frogs, coyotes, hawks, owls and weasels could easily capitalize on her lack of skill.

The other mother, incredibly still had seven. I loved the very soft “baap baap baap baaps” she made to them, and the little peeps back. Someday, I really ought to record a duck and duckling conversation and play it back to myself while falling asleep.  It is soothing to my heart.

Once one got separated from the family and was frantically and loudly peeping in panic. She did not go to it. She silently stayed with the others. She couldn’t leave them vulnerable. The sound drew a coyote near. She flew near it and feigned injury, quacking in pretend pain. The coyote chased her. She easily got away, then came back through the reeds for the other duckling, and again there were seven.

mom and baby duck

Found on Pinterest


The creek dried up that summer. The adults all left, having lost their broods. I looked for our one family every day, but finally assumed them all dead. About six weeks later, walking by the dried and cracked soil of the creek, I saw them. Eight full sized ducks that all looked alike, except one was slightly larger – the mom and her seven children waddling through the tall grasses. Against all odds.  I was thrilled! Soon after, the rains came and filled the creek, giving them the ability to run along the water to take off. I like happy endings.

I have such mixed feelings about them nesting here now. We have water in the creek now, but will it last? I have learned to let that go. If they make it, wonderful. If not…well, I need to love compassionately and unconditionally, not sentimentally. Otherwise, it hurts too much.


According to Ted Andrews, ducks have been known to symbolize emotional comfort and protection. Because of their connection to water, they are linked to the feminine energies, the astral plane and to the emotional states of humans. They can remind us to care for our own emotional natures. As they eat by dipping their heads into the water (hence duck butts), they can remind us that our emotions can give us sustenance. They can be very amiable and display a wide variety of emotions. All ducks have grace upon the water, reminding us to handle our emotions with grace and ease.

They do not move well on land. This could reflect an inability to feel comfortable with most people in your life. They may reflect a need to find comfort in your own element and with those of like mind and spirit. The mallard is a very prolific duck, and are a nice animal to meditate upon this time of year.

momand dadduck

Found on Pinterest

baby and mom duck


As you study them, you will find ways of applying their habits to your own life.

Tomorrow is Easter, and I think of the surviving duck family. I thought them all dead, but they came alive and rose to the sky.  May we all die to the old, and resurrect a new life, full of possibilities and dreams. May we be blessed throughout the year with new energy and a birthing of our true heart’s desire. May our thoughts be clear and loving as we create our world. May the waters of life flow through us as we meditate and pray for Love, Happiness, Peace, Hope, Grace and Ease.

Happy Easter everyone!

If you would like to know the pre-Christian roots of Easter as a celebration of the Spring Equinox, Sindy published a great history on her blog this morning. Read here.